The Move - Chapter 4

It is less than a week now to our move, and things are getting pretty frantic.  We are both feeling some stress, but I think we are handling it well.  Lots of talking and discussing plans that seem to change around a lot.

We've been packing... and packing... and packing.  It is a wonder that we have so much stuff around.  We have been trolling the area looking for boxes and using NextDoor.  We've bought a few, but mostly have been using recycled boxes.  The big negative on the recycled boxes is that they don't hold weight very well.  This may represent a problem loading the truck.

The other day, I was driving through a neighborhood nearby and found a trailer from a you pack it company.  The guy was outside and I asked about boxes.  He gave me a truck-full including 5 very clean wardrobe boxes.  Most of the boxes look like they got some water or just smushed, but the wardrobes are mint.

On the truck... I just did the easiest check-in ever for a vehicle.  U-Haul had a message on the website in my record that I needed to do the checking process.  It was really easy.  I took photos of the front and back of my driver's license and added an emergency contact.  Really, no sweat.

We are kind of running out of room to put stuff in our house.  My office, the room I photographed in the previous post, and the living room are filling up.  The garage had to be cleared out so I could have room to work.  All of that is now in the living room.  Tammy is going through old tubs and we are ditching a lot of stuff.

Also, since I have written, we used U-Haul's "Moving Labor" option and found a couple of people to help us load on March 8th here in Tomball and another group to help us unload in Summerville on March 11th.  It was super easy.  Both groups reached out to me and arranged arrival times within a day.  Both seemed very knowledgeable and helpful.

In Summerville, there's an Extra Storage within a couple of miles of where our home will be.  I rented a 10 x 25 storage in an enclosed temp-controlled zone.  It turns out that Extra Storage just built this facility in the last few years.  It wasn't shown on Google Maps, but the map of the complex has it.  We are not far from a door, so the unloading should go well.  There wasn't a U-Haul storage close to us.

Our plan now is to load and hit the road immediately afterward.  We are hoping to get to Summerville on Saturday sometime, but okay with having to spend an extra night in a hotel.  Neither of us knows how much of a handful the truck might be on that long of a trip.  The reviews for the trucks are all pretty good.

That's it for now.  Lots of additional packing this weekend and disassembly of some beds and stuff.  We are going to do our best to pack this truck nose to tail.  More later on!

The Move - Chapter 3

Yesterday, we really got busy packing.  We are getting our moving truck in three weeks from U-Haul and we need to be ready to fill that truck up.  We are packing all the items that we don't trust others to pack like our photo frames, artwork, and nicknacks. In addition, anything we don't need is getting packed.  We've been scouring NextDoor looking for used boxes, but we have had to buy some.  We ran out of box tape and made a same-day order on Amazon for 12 more rolls.  The photo is of a room with wall-to-wall boxes we packed all yesterday.  The walls are bare and the house looks kind of sad.

Today we are both sore and still have a lot to do.  It's Sunday, so we are going to take this as a day of rest and recovery.  Tomorrow is George Washington's Birthday, so I have the day off.  My plan is to pack up the garage.  I'll need to make a toolbox of common tools to stay here so I can repair house stuff.  I'll also keep back the painting supplies.  I'm strongly considering hiring a painter.  

I discovered an interesting way to clean grout online and it really works well.  1 cup baking soda, 1/4 cup hydrogen peroxide, and a tablespoon of Dawn.  Mix together and use a condiment-type bottle to squirt into the grout lines.  Let set for 10 minutes and then scrub with a brush.  Wipe up.  Mopping the floor helps afterward.  I started scrubbing the whole tile and everything really looks great.

This week, I will reserve space in Summerville at a storage facility.  Looking for an exterior entrance on the first floor - 10 x 20 - environmentally controlled.  Not sure that exists, but we'll see.  

On the house-building note, we've had a couple of folks taking photos for us.  We can see that some plumbing and electrical work is being done in the framework of the foundation.  We are waiting to hear from the builder to schedule the pre-construction meeting.  We told them that we'll be out there in early March, so the meeting may wait until then.  We are very excited to have this meeting.

Things are moving along!  

The Move - Chapter 2

It is early February and the plan is starting to rollout.  We are feeling a lot of pressure to evaluate how our existing furniture and art collection will be used in our new home.  We are gaining 400 square feet in our new home, so one would think we would need to buy new furniture, however, there's definitely a worry about where things will go.  We have a lot of "where are we going to put that?" conversations.  The new home does have a lot more windows which limits the wall space in all the normal places.

We've started packing a few things, focusing on my office first.  After this weekend, however, we are going to really press the gas pedal in order to fill up the the U-Haul and declutter as much as possible our current home.  The March 6th U-Haul pickup and March 8th 'hit the road' dates are creeping up quickly.  Getting loaded in Tomball and unloaded Summerville will include enlisting the help of a contract mover.  We still need to arrange these as well as storage in Summerville.  We are looking for a 1st floor temperature controlled unit.

Our daughter-in-law took some photos of our new home location and the contractor has started framing the foundation.  We also saw that the building permit was issued by the Town of Summerville.   All of this is getting very real.

More to come...

Small update:  Today - 2/9/2024, we received official notification that our construction start date is today!

The Move

About two months ago, my wife and I were talking about moving from Texas to the Charleston, SC area as we traveled to Florida for Thanksgiving.  Our son, daughter-in-law, and three grandchildren live in the area.  On that trip, we decided to see if it was feasible at all to do the move.  My job allows me to live anywhere since I work from home.

We poured over our finances for a couple of weeks and scoped out the housing market.  It became pretty evident early that Summerville was the only place we could afford.  We made several spreadsheets, including loan amortization, tax comparisons of Dorchester and Berkeley counties, lists of developments under construction, and budget calculators.

Our initial plan was to go to Charleston for the New Year break and tour housing areas, decide on a house plan, and start executing the process if it all was feasible.  We started calling home builders and making appointments.  Unfortunately, we quickly learned that most of the homebuilders in the area were spec homes, and we couldn't even choose the paint color.  "We build what we think will sell" was the mantra of most builders.  Most of those builders had a lot of bad feedback on rating sites.

One great call we had was with Michael Piazza of Mungo Homes.  He is the salesperson at Six Oaks subdivision near Summerville/Knightsville.  First, while they are a production builder, they allow a great degree of customization.  That checked the first box for us in building a home.  Next, we wanted a home plan that would work for us as we age (we are in our 60s).  We also wanted something unique and not "cookie cutter" boring.  We immediately fell in love with the Lafayette plan.  Mungo/Six Oaks is a planned and phased community, so the number of homesites for such a house was limited.  We chose the Lafayette B elevation, and things came together rapidly.  This was early December, and we have gone from considering a move to buying a home in a neighborhood, totally unseen.

Our lovely realtor, Debbie Cromer, Century 21 Properties Plus, spent a couple of hours driving the roads to Six Oaks with her cell camera to record the neighbors and then the community of Six Oaks.  She walked through the partially finished model, pointing out various aspects of the home.  I'll pause here to say how wonderful she has been in this process.

Not even a month after the conversation began, we signed the initial documents to purchase a home in the Six Oaks community from Mungo!  Our plans for shopping around changed to picking the final structural elements and visiting the design center.  

We contacted two potential banks for financing, and both have been great.  Mungo has their own financing group, Silverton Mortgage, and we are Navy Federal Credit Union members.  Both have been great through the pre-approval process.  We'll have up to the closing date, hopefully sometime in July, to see the rates and deals for both organizations.  There will be more on these later on.  Many lovely people in these two banks.

As this all became a reality, we started trying to organize our move.  We made a calendar of how we would move from January to when the house is ready.  We started calling companies that could help us move and settled on two moving methods.  First, I'm a Tillman Scholar, and U-Haul, as a partner of the foundation, offers a free move to the scholars.  I contacted the Pat Tillman Foundation, and they arranged the reservation with U-Haul.  We have a truck reserved for March to move about 1/3 of our belongings.  Our goal is to get "thinned out" and start patching and painting in preparation for the sale of our house in Texas.  We are so thankful for U-Haul!  Many companies claim to help veterans, but few that support them to the degree of U-Haul.  I can't say enough good about how wonderful they have been thus far.

The next move will happen in April, and we are using Units Moving and Portable Storage.  They have really been wonderful in helping set up the arrangements.  The folks here are good people.

So... back to the house.  We sat earlier this week with Ms. Denee Warren of Mungo and picked out all of the design options for our new home.  It was a WONDERFUL experience.  There was no upsell pressure, only combining colors and designs that matched our tastes and desires.  Granted, we knew what we wanted for many of the options before we arrived, but my wife and I are sometimes "design challenged," and we needed help.  Denee and Debbie guided us through many great options and let our desires lead the way.  What is very cool is that our final design ended up a few thousand lower than we expected!  

Afterward, filled with anticipation, we drove back to the model home at Six Oaks and walked through it again, realizing our design choices in the home.  This whole process has been great.

We are back home, tired and facing many challenges, but filled with joy to be closer to our family in Charleston.  Packing and moving are not fun, but we are gathering energy for this in the next few months.  More to come!

Nursing Home Conundrum

                This is a decision I do not want to make, but I know, at some point, my parents may need the services of a nursing home.  My parents divorced when I was six years old and live in different states.  I am the primary caregiver for my father and my brother is supporting our mother.  Both are in their 80’s and struggle with a myriad of ailments.  They both fear nursing homes and distrust the level of care they would receive.  They both consider these places simply as a place to die.

                It is estimated by the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) that there were 1.2 million nursing home residents in 2016.  This number will continue to grow as the “Baby Boomer” generation ages.  Nursing homes serve a vital role within the healthcare system yet are feared by the elderly and their families.  In a survey taken by Clarity and The EarFoundation, 89% of want to age within their current living conditions.  82% of family members fear that their loved ones will be mistreated in nursing homes.  There have been a lot of news worthy stories of elder abuse in nursing homes.

                The decision to place a loved on in a skilled nursing facility is huge for families.  It involves a recognition that the loved one has deteriorated to a point where the person and their family cannot adequately care for the needs of the patient.  There’s a sense of defeat and as previously stated, fear for everyone involved.  Once this realization had settled, the next choice is to choose an appropriate and affordable home.

                I will not get into the details, but the financial end of choosing a nursing home can be a unique struggle in its own right.  Navigating Medicare and Medicaid can be daunting.  According to A Place for Mom, engaging an Elder Care attorney may be the best course of action.  These advocates can help a family navigate the uncertain waters for their loved ones and create the best possible outcome.  This person can also help when abuse or error is suspected.

                When choosing a nursing home, it is important to do your homework.  It is best to seek quality ratings for nursing homes in your area.  One useful website is https://www.medicare.gov/nursinghomecompare/search.html? Which provides a ranking of facilities by zipcode or address.  A simple search here can quickly help rule out facilities that do not measure up.  Once you have a list of potential choices, make appointments with the facilities and tour them noting the cleanliness and condition of the patients that you might encounter.  Talk with the administrator about your concerns and your loved one.  See if the activities offered by the nursing home match up well with your needs.  Talk about the conflict resolution process they have in place and discuss any special requirements like food allergies or preferences.

                The staff must be well trained and vetted.  Accidents, falls, and any process that causes bruising or marks must have appropriate records and follow up by the administration.  There should be a notification process in place when an incident occurs.  All in all there should be a clear line of communication between the staff and the family about the care of the loved one.

                Once a facility is chosen, be engaged in the care of your loved one.  Every nursing home must create a customized plan for each patient.  According to Strom & Associates, it is important to not only be involved in the creation of the plan, but to be part of its enforcement.  There is no doubt that an engaged family advocate will ensure the best possible care. 

                Personally, as I see this day coming for my 86 year old father, I have a number of concerns that I want to be sure to address.  Beyond his ongoing medical conditions, these include medications, avoiding bed sores, engagement with others in the facility and his diet.

                My father takes a variety of medications at different parts of the day.  We have developed a routine for which he is quite comfortable and can manage.  When my mother-in-law experienced a short stay in a rehabilitation wing of a nursing home, this was a real struggle.  Medications were given at the wrong times or not given at all.  We were in constant conflict with the nursing staff over this topic and it challenged our wellbeing everyday.

                Recently my father had an extended hospital stay and he developed a bed sore.  This was very painful for him. For sedentary seniors, this is a huge problem that can be avoided with proper care and attention.  Unfortunately limited staff and lower quality bedding often create a situation where bed sores are prevalent.

                I would want my father to have some social contact that was meaningful and enriching.  The facility I would choose for him would have activities to engage the residents and stimulate physical and emotional wellbeing.

                Finally, my father has a number of food allergies that would need to be addressed by the staff.  The skilled nursing facility would need to be prepared to ensure that my father was receiving a proper diet while at the same time avoiding foods that cause him difficulty.

                It is a difficult decision for families to put an elderly loved one in a nursing home.  Having a plan, conducting research and staying involved in the day to day care of your loved one can make all the difference. 

Robert E. Lee (no, not that one)

When I entered the church as a young, fresh out of basic training, United States Air Force Airman Basic (E-1) at the ripe old age of 18, I was met by an older man who nearly immediately became my mentor.  His name was Robert E. Lee.  No, he wasn't that famous Confederate general of the Civil War.  He was a gentle old man with such love and compassion for younger people.

The kids new him as the "candy man" because he gave each child at church one piece of hard candy after services.  He new every child's name, their candy preferences, and their parent's restrictions.  Every one else called him simply "Brother Lee."

Having never been away from home for such a long time, Brother Lee recognized the homesickness and struggle I was going through.  He would tell me that things would pass and that I would do great things in the future after my training.  He was just always there and able to give advice on any subject.

After nine months in technical training, I got orders to another base and left.  I thought often about Brother Lee, but as a young person with lots of life ahead of me, I soon forgot my old friend and was married and started a family.  Four years later, I found myself back at the same base, this time as a technical instructor.  This time when I entered the church building, I had a wife and two small children.  Brother Lee was the first to meet me at the door and hug me.  He remembered me and he still seemed robust and on his game.

His role shifted a bit for me because now I was a father and husband.  He would tell me stories about his children and working with the church.  He saw how people engaged with me and wanted me to take on responsibility at church.  One day in a quiet tone which was his typical way, he asked to speak with me for a few minutes.  We sat down on some chairs near the door and he discussed priorities with me.  He cautioned me to remember to put my family first in all things.  He said he was concerned that if I got too busy, I would potentially lose my family, maybe not physically, but more from a family tightness point of view. Through this conversation I could see pain in his eyes.  I think perhaps he was speaking from experience, though I did not ask.

Brother Lee eventually got sick and it was clear to me that he would not live much longer.  He was always a skinny older man and being sick was quickly sapping all his strength.  One day I was talking with his wife and she told me that she couldn't get him to eat much any more.  That day I was going on a fishing trip as part of a festival for the coastal community we lived in.  We were going shrimping on a real shrimp boat!  Many hours of dragging a net yielded a ton of shrimp, but also all kinds of fish.  Knowing that my friend, Brother Lee, liked mullet, I quickly grabbed a few for my friend as we divided the left over fish.

I called the house and let them know that I was coming with the fish and Brother Lee's wife was so happy because she thought he might eat some.  I brought the fish and visited with my friend for quite some time.  I don''t remember much about the conversation, but I do remember the pain he was in and how frail he was.  I don't know if he ate the fish or not.  I never asked.  Just a few days later, my friend, Brother Robert E. Lee passed away.

Since that day, I often think about his guidance and the way he loved me.  I think about his advice which lives on inside me.  I find myself giving others the same kind of advice now.  I really miss my friend.

Brother Lee had the family support to stay at home and not enter a nursing facility.  He had many friends and a strong church family.  Unfortunately, this is not true of many older people.  Often, because of extenuating circumstances, the elderly are placed in nursing homes and exposed to all kinds of difficulties.  It is estimated by nursinghomeabuse.com that upward to 5 million elderly are abused each year.  This is incredible.  The same article goes on to say that only 1 in 14 cases of abuse are actually reported.

According to Steinburg, Goldman & Kalish Law Firm, there are indications to look for in elderly people that may indicate active abuse.  Those indicators are bruising, changes in mood or personality, and open sores.  Often however, especially in older people, there's blood thinners, dementia, and bed sores that occur even in the best facilities.  It is hard to really know what is going on when you leave your loved one behind.

What can you do? First and foremost, before placing a loved one in a skilled nursing facility, do your homework.  Research all you can about previous cases brought on the nursing home and staff.  Physically visit the facility and talk with the staff and patients.  Look for signs of abuse or neglect in the patients.  Talk with friends that have loved ones in facilities and find the best rated.  Second, once you place your loved one, be vigilant and be present and involved in their care.  Being involved is a human shield of protection you provide to your loved one.  Third, know the regulations and rights of a nursing home patient and have a clear legal understanding of how to report concerns to the staff of the facility.  Along with this, be sure to have powers of attorney, wills and living wills in place.  Finally, if you suspect abuse, be prepared to engage an attorney and to register a complaint on the facility.

Nursing facilities can be a great blessing or a terrible tragedy to our families.  Vigilance and knowledge are your super power when dealing with them.  I am happy my friend didn't have to endure a nursing facility, but I know many others that do need them.  Having a plan, possessing knowledge of rights, and being an advocate for your loved one can make the difference in how your experience will be viewed.  Older people who once counseled us and cared for us are now in a position of vulnerability.  We owe them so much for who we are.

Distracted Driving Family Plan

As I rode my bicycle down a familiar road near my house, having nearly completed a fifteen-mile ride, I found myself suddenly spinning through space with no air.  I instantly knew I had been hit by a car, but how could this be happening?  As I moved in slow motion, I wondered how much it would hurt to finally let gravity push me onto the ground.  As I landed, first with the elbow, then with my left hip, pain jolted me.  I rolled and remember seeing a red SUV emergency braking.  Finally, I came to a stop. Pain!  I immediately rolled off of my left side and found myself rolling the opposite way down into a ditch.

Assessing my situation, my pain and my happiness to be alive, I ached in pain unsure of what to do.  The driver was braking so I was sure I had help coming.  I kept trying to move, but any movement hurt.  I tried deep breathing, but I was panting in pain.  Suddenly I hear a male voice say “Man!” and I asked for an ambulance.  I would be okay.  The driver stopped and I would be okay.  I didn’t hear anything and I couldn’t see anyone.  There’s no call being made and I don’t hear anything.  I asked for help again… no answer.  No answer!  I rolled on to my side and I see a while male enter his red SUV and drive away.

That day, I was hit by what I assume is a distracted driver.  It obviously changed my life in many ways.  I was lucky.  I had only a few broken bones and road rash, but a few inches to the right and I would be dead.  As I touch those scars and remember that day, it has forever changed the way I drive.

These days, people think they can multitask – do two things at once and have concentration on both tasks enough to operate safely and accomplish tasks more quickly.  This is a ruse.  The human mind can only really operate successfully on one task at a time with complete concentration.  Yet, we still eat hamburgers while we drive or dial our phones.  We drive with our knees while our hands are busy searching for the sunglasses we just dropped.  Somehow, we feel invincible behind the wheel.

It is interesting however to me that we really know that we are not really that good at driving and eating French fries.  When I clean up my car, I’m astounded at the fries on the floor.  Clearly my concentration is not as good as I perceive it to be.  We know, yet, nearly everyday we still do it?  We feel safe, but are those around us safe?  I register a hardy “No” here.

When we look at the statistics, we find that ten people die every day in the U.S. and thousands are injured.  How we know it is wrong, yet do it anyway is a testament to our own feelings of invincibility.  According to psychologists, young people tend to have an idea that bad things will not happen to them which brings on riskier behavior.  As we age this wears off to some degree because life teaches lessons, some of them very harsh lessons.

So, you might be asking at this point, how to avoid being distracted.  The real and time-tested method to avoid it is to plan the trip and set your own guidelines for driving behavior.  Simple things like leaving a few minutes early can give you time to actually eat at a table at the drive through restaurant instead of trying to eat that Whopper while driving.  Properly setting up your phone to operate with your hands-free car system or Bluetooth headset can keep your hands on the wheel and your concentration clear.  Keep your phone calls short on and on the topic.  Planning your trip so that you your music already selected and your coffee already mixed can allow your concentration to be on the task at hand, driving.

The Copilot Club from the Automobile Safety Foundation has a series of recommendations that seems well thought out and clear for passengers.  This effort allows those travelling as passengers to help the driver focus on driving and removes distractions.

Having been hit by a distracted driver might have been a good thing for me because it has given me focus in my own driving habits.  I could have been this driver myself with my eyes on my phone instead of on the road.  I could have been the one standing on the side of the road looking at a torn cyclist in the ditch contemplating my own well-being and legal difficulties.  While I would have called for help and stayed at the scene to care for that cyclist, I have been that guy allowing everything but driving safely distract me from the task at hand.  Make a plan, leave a little early, keep focus on driving.  Three easy ways to avoid driving distracted.